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Female Safe Sex Guide

Sex can be fun, exciting and unforgettable.

It can also be scary and unsafe if you don’t have the right information.

This guide isn’t here to tell you how to have sex. It is a summary of the basic information you need to have a happy, fun and safe sex life.

The rest is up to you!

Am I a virgin?

Some women believe that penetrative sex with a man is the only way to lose your virginity, while others believe that any type of sex with a man or woman is enough to lose your virginity. Whether or not you consider yourself a virgin after sleeping with a woman is entirely up to you.

Being comfortable

The most important element of sex is being comfortable with what you are doing, what the other person is doing to you and the situation as a whole. The more comfortable you are overall, the more enjoyable the whole experience will be. Always remember you have the right to say ‘no’ to anything you are not completely comfortable with, and your partner should respect that.

The chances are that you will feel less comfortable during a one-night stand than you will with a partner, but your right to say no still remains. For your own happiness, it is important not to do anything you don’t want to.

Communication is important during sex, to find out what you both want or don’t want and to ensure you both enjoy the experience. Don’t assume that all women like the same things as each woman is different. Explore each other and talk about it.


Lesbian sex is generally considered ‘low-risk’ but it is certainly not risk free.

Various items are available which can make sex safer. Latex gloves provide a smooth skin surface for fingering and fisting, and more importantly prevent bacteria coming into contact with the hand.

Placing a dental dam (a sheet of latex) over the genitals during oral sex creates a barrier between the mouth and the genitals, which minimises the exchange of bodily fluids (mark which side of the dental dam comes into contact with the genitals to prevent any accidents). If you don’t have any dental dams handy, a condom cut open into a sheet does the same job.

Lubrication is helpful during fingering and vital during fisting, as it reduces the skin on skin friction. Lubrication makes entry into the vagina or anus much easier, and reduces the chances of tearing the skin. Water based lube is best because it does not damage condoms or dental dams (as oil based ones do) and it also washes off quite easily.

Sex, without a barrier, during menstruation is best avoided, particularly if your hands have cuts or sores on them – the chances of your blood passing into your partners body is obviously higher if you have sex during a period. Certain diseases such as AIDS are easily passed through blood transmission.

Touching your partner and then yourself (or vice versa) can pass on sexually transmitted infections/diseases, as can sharing dildos or anything that comes into contact with your genitals. Dildos can be made safer by using condoms on them and changing the condom each time it comes into contact with another person. All toys should also be thoroughly washed after each use, and it is obviously important to keep your hands clean.

Long nails are both uncomfortable and dangerous during sex – they can cause tears and bruising on the vaginal wall. So keep nails short and tidy if you plan on having sex with another woman.

An important rule to remember is to never insert fingers/toys/anything into the vagina that has been in or around the anus. Bacteria in the anus can cause nasty infections in the vagina.


Masturbation is the safest form of sex! It is also an opportunity to explore what you enjoy. Mutual masturbation is when two (or more!) women masturbate together, each only touching themselves and watching each other. Many women are uncomfortable with the thought of masturbating in front of another woman, so find out how your partner feels about it before trying it.

Touching and kissing

To many women, touching and kissing are the biggest part of sex, but to others they are simply unimportant. Every woman likes to be touched differently and kissed differently. Your kissing technique will vary depending on the situation and with each woman you kiss.

For some women, having their breasts touched/stroked/massaged is highly erotic, for some it is not. Some women find their breasts too sensitive and being touched in this way is uncomfortable. Keep in mind that some women’s breasts are likely to be more sensitive on and around their period.

By exploring each others bodies you will find out where each others less obvious erogenous zones are e.g. ears, neck, stomach, etc.

Clitoral Stimulation

The clitoris (or clit) is a highly sensitive area for most women. Having it played with, rubbed, stroked and generally stimulated is often enough to bring a woman to orgasm. As with all forms of sexual activity, every woman likes her clitoris stimulated differently. Start gently and slowly build the pressure and speed according to your partner’s reactions. Remember that some women do not like it at all.

Fingering and fisting

Fingering is basically using your fingers in and around the vagina or the anus to give sexual pleasure. For some women one finger may be enough, whereas others require more to satisfy them. This may also depend on their level of arousal. The specific movement that you use will depend on what your partner likes, so take the time to explore and gage her reactions.

Once your fingers are inside, try bending them forwards (imagine you’re aiming at the middle of her pubic hair) and with a little practice you will find her g-spot! And you’ll definitely know when you’ve found it. However there are a huge range of speeds/positions/angles you can use, it just takes some experimentation to find out what works best. Most women find it difficult to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, and require some amount of clitoral stimulation.

An advanced method of fingering is fisting, which involves (after a lot of stimulation, relaxation, lubrication and openness) inserting you whole hand into your partners vagina or anus. Contrary to its title, forming your hand into a fist is not the best way of going about this, building up from one finger and slightly curling your hand to fit the contours of the vagina will be most comfortable for your partner. Withdrawing also needs to be gentle and the vaginal muscles can close around the hand after orgasm.

Also make sure you remove any rings before fisting or fingering.

Oral sex (Cunnilingus)

This includes licking, sucking or nibbling your partner’s clitoris, labia and vagina. It is also known as ‘going down’ on her. There is a wide range of ways to perform oral sex, and every woman likes different speeds, pressures and techniques. It takes some experimentation to find out what your partner likes. It may also take some practice before your tongue can hold out long enough for her to reach orgasm!

Many women worry about smells and tastes while their partner is going down on them, which is why cleanliness is very important. As well as protecting against STI’s, your partner will not be able to taste you through a dental dam.

It is worth bearing in mind that some women are just not comfortable with oral sex, whereas others can’t get enough of it. Communication, as always, is very important.

Anal sex

This includes anal penetration and rimming (the act of licking or penetrating the anus with your tongue). Remember to use a dental dam for this as bacteria found in the anus can cause infections in the mouth.

Lubrication is a must if you plan on inserting fingers, a toy or a butt plug into the anus as it has no natural lubrication.

Be very gentle with the anus to begin with because a small amount of pressure causes strong sensations and the skin is very delicate.

Communication about anal sex is especially important as some women are uncomfortable with the idea.


Reaching your peak of sexual pleasure is undoubtedly an amazing experience. However, it is not the most vital part of having sex.

For some women orgasm will be a small flutter, for others it will be a whole body bed-rocking experience! Remember that all women are different, they will vary in the strength of their orgasm, how they get there, the time it takes to get there, how long it lasts, how many they can handle and how they feel afterwards.

‘Afterplay’ can be an important part of orgasm and can include cuddling, kissing, stroking etc. Some women may cry during and after orgasm which is usually a natural release of emotion. If you are concerned about your partner crying after sex just comfort and reassure her.

Toys and strap on’s

Not all women like the idea of using toys and strap on’s, but they can bring a range of different positions and pleasures into the bedroom. There are so many toys and strap ons available that there is usually something to suit everyone! Whether you want to buy a vibrator to spice up your private masturbation or whether you’re shopping with your partner for something you can both enjoy, it is worth discussing beforehand what you are both comfortable with and where your boundaries lie. When using dildo’s or strap on’s use a different condom for both of you and remember to keep them clean.

Group sex and threesomes

Sex which involves more than two people is known as a threesome/foursome etc or just as group sex. If you are planning on bringing someone else into your relationship for sex, it is important to discuss with your partner beforehand where your boundaries are. It is also worth considering beforehand the potential emotional repercussions (one person can feel left out, or it could make friendships complicated).

Whether you are planning group sex with your partner or with other single people, remember to be open and honest and don’t do anything you are not comfortable with. Being safe in these situations is especially important as there is a higher risk of catching something.

Sex with Men

Safe sex with the opposite sex is just as important as with the same sex. Don’t forget unprotected sex can result in pregnancy! For oral sex use a barrier, such as, a dental dam or condom. For penetrative sex use condoms and lube.


There are so many sexually transmitted infections and diseases around that is it vital to get checked out regularly at a GUM clinic if you are having unsafe sex or you are concerned.

Many of these STI/D’s have no symptoms in women so there may be no warning signs. If you have had unsafe sex or have noticed any unnatural change in discharge or notice pain you should get checked out straight away.

The local GUM clinic is at:
Ceredigion and Mid-Wales NHS Trust, Department of Genitourinary Medicine, North Road Clinic, Queens Avenue, Aberystwyth, SY23 2EG
Tel: 01970 636216

Cervical screening and Breast Cancer

Women between 20 and 64 are called for a cervical screening every 3-5 years, it is important to go to these appointments as they can detect any abnormalities in the cervix that may result in cancer if left untreated. Do not believe the horror stories, its worth going and could save your life.

Remember to examine your breasts regularly for any changes (advice on doing this properly can be found at your doctor’s reception where they should have leaflets). If you do notice any changes get them checked out by a doctor as soon as possible, and remember that a very low percentage of these changes turn out to be cancerous. It is however, important to check them regularly yourself and get any worries sorted out by the doctor.

Help and Support

Lesbian and Gay West Midlands Switchboard (

Lesbian Health UK ( - information for lesbians

FAQ on Lesbian Sex (

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